Haiti

Overwhelming. Amazing. Beautiful. Terrible. Love. Devastation. Hope.

We are so incredibly blessed in America. We have so much, too much. We are spoiled. We overindulge in everything. We never completely find contentment because of the "American dream," the idea that we can make things happen, make our lives the way we want, succeed when we want. The problem with that is its never enough. There's always a newer version of the latest technology or new fashions or entertainment. It seduces. It blinds.. It prevents us from looking at reality, truth, life as it is. We use these things to cover our insecurities and fears. We use them to create a purpose, an ideal to strive for. The problem with Americans, especially American Christians is the fact that we don't look that much different from the world. We strive for fortune and fame and love just like the rest of them. Because we choose blindness over opening our eyes to the brokenness of the world, we are useless and let others die, physically and spiritually. We choose the things that make us comfortable over the things that will change the world. We choose to ignore the problems and live inside the box we've created. If only....

What I see here. In Haiti. Simplicity. Appreciation. Love. Desperate need. Brokenness. Heartache. An open door. A craving for more, whether its education or spiritual. What I've seen and experienced are people who aren't blind, not in the least. They have been forced to see and they've seen everything. From murder to rape, natural disaster to death. Their blinders have been removed. They are here, they are alive and they see, better than anyone. Considering going home in two days saddens me. Not because of the Christian Americans that frustrate me but the chance that I will become blind again, perhaps not a full blindness but as I sleep in my comfortable bed, drive my escape to work and collect a steady middle class check every other week, I will slowly become blind again. Not completely but it happens. Blind comfort. It's like the frog that doesn't realize the waters boiling until he's dead because that's how slow the water heated; that's how slow it happens.

Well I choose no. At this point, i have to and pray that it remains. I choose to not become blind again to the brokenness of the world, the hurt all around us. I choose to love and live freely, seeing. Seeing as God enables
me. Because only the God of the universe can prevent the water from killing the frog. Because its natural. Why get out of something if it doesn't hurt, if you don't realize it's killing you? Well that's where I'm at. The water, the social norms and lifestyle of Americans, is weakening me because I know in my spirit it's wrong. And every day I choose to ignore the increasing heat, the closer I come to giving in completely.

Oh God let this not be. I am open. I am ready. Prepare me for your work, whether it's in America or overseas. Use me as you will, for your kingdom and your glory. To you be all praise and honor for ever. Amen.